Hold On For Dear Life
It all happened so quickly! One minute he was standing on the platform, the next he was hurtling through the air, hanging on to a train for dear life. He looked up to his astonishment. “OH NO” he shouted!
There was a tunnel up ahead. He was about to jump back onto the platform but then he realised the window was open. He opened it as fast as he could and jumped in. He fell on top of a man who got really mad at the little boy. He started lifting the boy up and swinging him around. Then the conductor came and told him to get off at the next station. The man said ”no I need to get to work or I'll be in big trouble!”
“I don’t care if you get in trouble with your boss because you're already in trouble with me now get off my train!”
The boy was still getting held by the man. Then the man stuck his head out the window and shut the window so he wouldn't be properly stuck then he said “Well I better head off. Bye everyone. I hope you have a bad day.” The boy could tell that the man was some sort of criminal or something. Then the train stopped and the conductor came by and helped the boy get out of the situation.
The conductor then asked the boy “Where are you off to little boy?”
“I am going to Oxford Circus sir.”
“Well, I’ll ask the train driver to go to your destination.”
About ten minutes later the conductor came back and said we're on our way back to Oxford Circus. The boy said “thank you, sir, I really appreciate it.”
“You're quite a welcome young boy,” said the conductor.
Fantastic writing Jarv! That was fun to read and has some cool ideas. Very proud!
ReplyDeleteJarvis I enjoyed reading your writing, there are 2 things that I think are amazing.
ReplyDelete1. Your use of direct speech & speech marks is excellent
2.You have used some great words to make your writing interesting-criminal, conductor, destination are very precise words, well done.
Kia ora Jarvis. I really enjoyed reading your short story. I agree with Mrs Cramer. You used the dialogue in your story to show each character's personality and this made it really interesting to read. Well done. Teacher tip: Always start a new line when a new person starts to talk. I popped in and helped you with this by using the pencil and editing a little of your awesome story. Keep blogging your learning Jarvis. I am looking forward to reading the next one!
ReplyDeleteThanks jo I really appreciate it I will do that next time
DeleteWhat a cool story, Jarv, I was on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen next.......keep writing those great ideas down xx Mum
ReplyDelete