Sick sentence
The man walked up the path towards the top.
He was wearing warm clothes. It was windy. He was scared.
Well sentence
Curiously the young man wondered up the walkway towards the top of the hill.
He was wearing warm clothes because it was cold and wintry.
It was as windy as someone getting blown by a leaf blower. He was so scared he could barely move.
Ki ora Jarvis. Well done you have used an adverb to start your writing. I like how you have also used a simile to describe how windy it was. Teacher Tip: think about another way to start your sentence instead of using he. Great writing, thank you for sharing.
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